Airplane Etiquette, part 1
Ok, I am starting a new series, which will be my insights (highly unobjective of course….) into why most people shouldn’t fly on airplanes because they lack airplane etiquette. I have flown in the last 10 years around 600,000 miles, on basically every carrier, and visited 10 countries and almost every US state. Many of you have flown much, much more than me, so feel free to add your own points to this ever evolving list. Power to the flying people on this one. Will make a good coffee table book in the future…..
Part One
1. The middle armrest- here’s the deal, middle seat boy always gets first right of refusal on armchair left and armchair right of their seat. If someone is sitting in the middle, the least you can do is allow them to have elbow space. Leaner Larry sitting in the aisle seat has no right to invade your space, nor does Window Wally.
2. Quick draw cellphone man- seriously, this annoys me to no end. Wheels down and cellphone on. Can you wait at least a few minutes before getting on your cell phone and talking as loud as possible so that you seem somewhat important to those around you, when we all know that all you did was just call the person most likely to answer so that you could act like something was incredibly important and couldn’t wait. Give me a break. How about 5 minutes of downtime before you jump back into cell phone land- and start making calls once you are off the plane.
More to follow….. feel free to add your own.
Thank you for saying something about the quick draw people–they bug the heck out of me too!
I’d humbly submit the following:
3. In-flight flirting: If the attractive single female next to you seems really intent on reading her novel, chances are she’s just not that into you. Do not attempt to engage her in what you presume to be witty banter, do not invite her to hang out with you in the destination city, and above all, do not think it’s cute to offer to buy her a drink.
I am flying in a week, so I will take these posts to heart as I prepare for my flight.
Anyone ever had a “shoulder sleeper?” The guy or girl who nods off and ends up drooling all over your shoulder… Is it right to nudge them awake or is it Christ-like to be their pillow?
Oh my gosh Tony – I’ve had the shoulder sleeper a couple of times – at least once where they started drooling – THAT is where I draw the line!
I also had the seizure lady one time, but that’s not really an etiquette thing . . .
I’m always made nervous by the guy that preps his barf bag…
Always change your baby’s dirty diaper in the lavatory…not in the empty seat between you and another passenger. This happened several times to me back in my comedy days…I was praying for the oxygen masks to drop down!!!
You get exactly three pushes to get your carry-on into the overhead storage bin. After that, check it. And pack lighter next time, you thoughtless hoser.
Great list…lovin’ everyone’s comments as well.
How about lavatory etiquette?
When someone is heading down the aisle to the facilities, it’s still considered “line jumping” to cut in front when your seat is closer.
an author i work with just published his own book “Stuck in the Middle Seat.” exactly a fit for this post. i’ll mail you up a few copies. it’s pretty hilarious.
http://www.stuckinthemiddleseat.com/
I love this post! I fly a lot also, so let me add one to the list. When putting bags in the overhead bin please be aware of your “BUTT PLACEMENT”…there is nothing worse when your sitting in the seat and you have all that going on next to you!
This isn’t an annoyance so much as it shows those who fly lack common sense. Why is it when the seat belt sign goes off, 90% of the people on the plane stand up? The guy in 35A (a window seat) has no chance of actually getting his carry on from the space above and making it out the door for at least the next 3-5 minutes, so he awkwardly hangs his 6’2″ frame over the smart, witty author of a book about burnout and health for four minutes, wiping his nose with his arm and causing her to duck multiple times. You’re NOT getting out so why don’t you politely sit back down and wait until it makes sense to begin exiting the plane?
But it’s not an annoyance at all, is it?
Along with airplane behavior how about security line behavior? My favorite is the guy that is late for his plane and comes screaming up the line and cuts everyone. Nice! Right there with the guy that has not flown since 9/11 and cannot read all of the signs about shoes, belts, etc. and wants to argue with the TSA guy on why he is being body searched after not making it through the detector on the 3rd try.
My head rest is not a hand-rail. My biggest pet-peeve is the person that grabs every headrest from seat 1-A to the back of the plane. Waking everyone from their slumber. How hard is it to run your hand along the top of the carry on slots????
A close second is the “I’m going to pull your seat all the way down like a catapult as I climb back into my seat” guy.
arrrrgggggghhhhhh. If we drop those people at the gate and the oblivious parent of little timmy-run-up-and-down-the-aisle, flying would be fine. (Except for the great customer service of Air-Tran)
I so agree with #1!
[...] 2 of the Airplane Etiquette series. If you missed the first post in the series, no worries- you can check it out here. We had some great comments on the first post… many of which have influenced Part 2 below. [...]